We live in a culture in which we often ask questions like "How can I benefit from this?" or "What do I get out of it?" The concept of "serving" people has a negative connotation in our society. We want to BE served, not serve others. I know that I have been guilty of feeling this way, or asking these very questions in my life.
One day, I was browsing an Etsy site, looking to purchase a simple chain bracelet for my Consecration to Mary (more about that in another post.) While on the site, I came across something called Sacrifice Beads. I had never heard of them, and my interest was piqued. After a quick Google, I discovered that St. Therese would carry around beads in her pocket, which she called her Chaplet of Practices, in which she would count her sacrifices or acts done out of Love for God. You can read more about this here.
I was so interested in the story and the beads, I decided to order myself a set. I thought if anything, I could instill it in our home school lessons somehow. When they arrived, I first started thinking about ways I could do acts of love for strangers, and people "out in the world." Then a series of events happened to me to make me realize I should be doing acts of love right here in my very home to the very people who share this roof with me.
It all started on a Saturday, which was a particularly bad day. Nothing went right. I had big plans to do this or that, but things kept coming up to stand in my way. And all the things I did manage to accomplish felt like they were just kind of falling apart. It was one of those days where half way through, you seriously just want to go back to bed and force some kind of do-over. And the worse it got, the more troubled I felt, and the more angry I got with my family. I started ruminating on how much of a huge mess they all make, how ungrateful they all are for everything I do, and thinking I must have the WORSE behaved children in the lower 48, and just WHY, for pete's sake, does my husband have to take his shoes off and leave them RIGHT in the walk way?! I got myself into such a lather that the entire world looked black and hopeless and I lived with a band of rude, lazy, ingrates who treated me like an indentured servant. (I can uh, be a little dramatic sometimes...)
Then, late in the afternoon, tears already having been shed to some extent- I was cleaning the upstairs, picking up random toys in the hall, etc. when I came across a prayer card for Divine Mercy just lying on the floor. Ok, yes, we're Catholic. The chances of having a random prayer card lying on the floor are pretty good, so I'm not saying it was a miracle or anything. But it just happened to be lying there RIGHT when I needed it most. I picked up the card and looked at Jesus' glowing face, and read the words at the bottom of the card. Jesus, I trust in You.
And with that, I spent the rest of the afternoon ruminating over the mercy of God and God's infinite Love for us. How God loves us regardless of how ungrateful we are. God loves us regardless of how much of a mess we make of our lives and the lives of others. God loves us regardless of our rudeness and our slothfulness.
And this brought me right back to St. Therese and her Little Way. St. Therese once wrote, "It seems to me that there will be no judgement for victims of love, or rather, the good God will hasten to reward, with eternal delights, His own love which He will see burning in their hearts."
She had complete confidence in God's Love and infinite Mercy. And thus she spent her life doing small acts of charity and love for those around her. Not to benefit herself in any way, but instead to be a conduit of God's Love.
The next day, the homily our priest gave completely hit it home for me. It was about our vocations in life, and our duty to serve others within those vocations. My vocation is motherhood and marriage. It is my ultimate duty to serve. Just as ordained people have given an oath of obedience, so had I when I entered into the sacrament of marriage.
I went home from church realizing that since it is my duty to serve these people ("these people" being my lovely, loud family) I would attempt to do so with the intention to be a conduit for God's Love, like St. Therese. I need to do as many daily sacrifices and acts of love on my family as I possible can. And while I don't necessarily remember to use the actual sacrifice beads, they hang on a little hook above our white board and whenever I look over at them, it reminds me of my commitment to this.
I have made a conscious effort to stop what I'm doing to get something for one of the kids. Instead of making the kids hustle to bed so I can have an hour of peace and quiet to read, I'll go up with them and read a chapter of Little House on the Prairie out loud. I've baked my husband pie for dessert "just because" and I've picked up his shoes from the middle of the walkway over a hundred times, because I realize he is just a fallible man, and I am just a fallible woman. And God loves us any way.
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